Mother's Day has always been a day of introspection for me. I find myself looking in the mirror and really reflecting on the changes that have happened. It typically starts with a quick thought about the Mother's Day before it, and then bit by bit how the year unfolded. Becoming a mother defined me in ways I could've never imagined before having kids, but what's really cool about it all is how much I am still evolving with every passing year. This is my reflection on the first 5 Mother's Days and the levels of motherhood that I gained each year.
My first Mother's Day was spent growing Zinnia in my belly. I was at the tipping point of a massive shift in life and didn't even know it. I couldn't have ever imagined how much birthing Zinnia would change me, and not the slightest idea what kind of mother I could become, but I was ready to let go, fall forward and trust the process, and that's exactly what I did.
My second Mother's Day was joyful. I had been an earth-side mother for 9 months and was sinking in to the new me. I felt a sense of strength and happiness that I never knew was possible. I now knew what it was like to love my own child. To feel my heart existing outside my body and to understand that living a long life matters more than ever before. I was now participating in raising the next generation that this world would host, and realizing my impact on the world just deepened immensely. Woah. Life got real.
My third Mother's Day I had become a business owner. I began to develop relationships with other mothers and help them navigate motherhood in ways that promoted connectedness and individuality all wrapped up in a loving bow. I had somehow made this beautiful connection in my life where my passion for childhood development and being a mother became one. My life's work was completely intertwined with my family life. While I was a stay at home mom, I was working. While I was working, I was parenting. I was officially a momprenuer. I had now started my life's work.
My fourth Mother's Day I was pregnant again. This time growing a life without so many worries and uncertainties. I felt excitement to be going through the process of bringing another life into our family and confident that everything was going to be just fine. I was mothering while growing another life and this was the busiest me yet. I was a work-from-home, stay-at-home, pregnant mother. I had been redefined once again. Layers adding up.
My fifth Mother's Day (today), I sat in the rocking chair that once rocked my husband when he was young. The same rocking chair that has now rocked both our children. I was holding them, reminiscing about this day last year, as I always do and how this big smiley baby on my lap was on the inside of my body this day, 365 days ago. I was now staring at his face, looking into his big dark eyes and just soaking it all in. I feel like when I can have a few minutes of just staring into my child's eyes that I can literally feel the energetic transfer of love between us. I am a mother of two. A business owner. A child advocate. A wife. I expect the next few mothers days to be less about a layering on of a new me, and more about a deeper evolution of myself. But who knows! If the first 5 Mother's Day's were spent getting on my feet as a mother, what will the next 5 bring?
Majoring in motherhood has these moments, tests I like to call them, where I find out things about myself I never knew. Such as, I have a breaking point or theres IS a line that can be crossed, where my patience does actually end and my better judgement flies out the window. All mothers know the rosey and the rough. That "wow mom" you shoot instagram stories about and that "mombie" you sport out in public sometimes (running on a level of tiredness only a mother can truly understand). Motherhood is an incredibly exhausting and exhilarating ride.
Taking the time to piece together the days that lead from last Mother's Day to now and seeing how you've grown is a wonderful way to pay homage to the memories you've shared and the growth you have all experienced. A way to smile at the things you've overcome or the endurance you displayed when faced with a life altering curve ball.
May every mother who reads this, stare at their babies and exchange loving energy.
May every mother who reads this, have a moment alone to look within themselves and reflect on the last year, understanding where you have gone and who you have become.